The narcissist in love: how to recognize and deal with one.

Narcisista in amore: come riconoscerlo e affrontarlo

Imagine the situation: you and Mr. X are getting to know one another, maybe even dating a little. When he feels charming, good, intelligent, likeable, athletic and a career man, has he ever made you understand that he feels beautiful, beautiful, absurdly beautiful with his own magnum look? (If this reference means nothing to you, go watch Zoolander immediately!!). 

Dear friends, you are faced with a narcissist.  

First, a very brief review of Greek history and literature: according to the myth, Narcissus was a handsome boy who refused the love of the nymph Echo because he was too in love with his own image reflected in the water. And so as punishment he was transformed into a flower, the narcissus. 

In this article, we will look at how to recognize a narcissist, how they behave and how to make them fall in love. We address this issue lightly, of course, because we will not be talking about pathological narcissism, a topic that is best discussed by those with an appropriate medical-scientific background. 

Narcissist: how to recognize one

We start from the assumption that – as in all things – quantity makes the difference, whether it’s chocolate or a tub of ice cream, a small gift or unbridled shopping, a moderate dose of narcissism or excessive ego-centrism. 

A person who is too narcissistic needs the approval of others, to turn a conversation towards himself, to make his the main opinion heard. The narcissist always has a “but…” or “what happened to me…” to add, raising the bar of experiences or successes being discussed. 

A narcissistic person tends to show, subtly or otherwise, that they are better physically, socially or professionally, downplaying your experience. You’ll see that if you manage a team of 4 or 5, he will shrug, because he’ll have one of at least 15 or 20. If you train for an hour, he’ll do it for at least two. 

Narcissist in love: how they behave 

A narcissistic person can have a nice charisma and make you feel special, because a special person like him associates with special people. But as soon as the trophy on the shelf starts getting dusty, he is capable of putting you back in a closet. At the same time, however, they are afraid of being abandoned, and so they try to keep control of the relationship so as not to risk being left

He could be a person who cannot accept criticism. If he’s blinded by his beauty, a comment about a shirt that is less pretty than usual will hurt him like a stab in the heart. If you haven’t noticed a change in his look, he’ll accuse you of indifference towards him. 

“You’re lucky a man like that goes out with you”: the admiration of friends and relatives fills their ego even more, because it makes them feel special when compared to you. After yet another forgotten birthday, however, those around you will learn to understand that your great fortune is not reflected in real life. 

Be careful, then, when the story ends: the narcissist will not tell you, and will try to scorch the ground around you. However, do not lose faith in yourself, because the truth always comes out. 

The narcissist in love: how to make one fall in love 

Is it possible to make a narcissist fall in love? First of all, a narcissistic person needs to understand that it is possible to be really loved and appreciated, not just superficially. The need to be liked and pleased is actually a great weakness. 

So you have to speak openly, put the cards on the table, and reassure him that perfection does not mean happiness. The partner needs to understand that a relationship is not a one-on-one competition, but a team sport. It must be a game of balance and compromise in order not to indulge or counter all his eccentric behaviours. 

If you are in love with a narcissist, arm yourself with patience and determination, then give the relationship a chance.

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