GHOSTING: EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THE TOPIC

ghosting messages

Frequent a special someone, and suddenly you no longer receive news from them: maybe it was too much good ghosting to be true? Let’s see if we can help you, read the article!

Ghosting: from ‘I’ve seen’ to ‘I’ve ghosted you’ in a moment!

The 3 most common cases of Ghosting (A, B, and C):

The tendency to not respond during an ongoing conversation, becoming a “ghoster,” can be triggered by various motivations:

  • Forgetfulness
  • Low interest
  • Superficiality
  • Indecision
  • Insecurity

Ghosting, in a sense, means interrupting. Ghosting cannot exist without there being a “beginning.”

Case A:
You started chatting with a guy, and now you have a virtual relationship. You exchange “good morning” and “goodnight,” enjoy exchanging jokes, and suggest fun games to add a lively touch to your conversations.

The last message you sent was: “I agree with you… that movie is amazing. Any similar ones you would recommend?

…Then, no more response. After that, nothing. Disappeared. Gone. The end!

And within a week, your mind starts with:

  • Day 2: “Where did he go?”
  • Day 3: “Did we have a virtual connection, or am I just imagining it?”
  • Day 4: “Did he lose his memory and forget who I am?”
  • Day 6: “Oh well…”

Case B:
You met a guy at a party among friends and planned to meet face-to-face for the upcoming weekend, just the two of you!

  • “Shall we meet in the city at 9:00?”
  • “Yes, confirmed, agreed! 🙂
  • “Meeting point?”
  • “In front of the yellow kiosk.”
  • “Okay, see you soon.”

Your outing went very well, and you even planned to meet again for a picnic next week…!

Unfortunately, after saying goodbye, you messaged him expressing you had a good time and looked forward to defining the time and place for the next outing, but he never responded, completely ignoring your messages…

So it went:

  • 6 hours after the date: “Am I crazy, or does it seem like we never met?”
  • Day 2: “Did I misunderstand? Was his ‘yes, let’s plan for next week’ sarcastic?”
  • Day 4: “Sorry, did I hit my head somewhere and miss something?”

Case C:
You started texting with a guy, but you can’t figure out what you feel for this person.

Meanwhile, you decide to live in the moment by continuing your conversations and sometimes trying to escape from “boredom.”

You have alternating moments—some where you are fully present in the conversation and others where you disappear to focus on other things or conversations.

At some point, you realize you don’t feel like continuing the conversation, or you simply forget and interrupt it for various reasons (haste, boredom, forgetfulness, low interest…).

In this case, you are not experiencing ghosting but inflicting it on someone else!

Oh yes, you thought you had never ghosted anyone? 😂

When it SEEMS like Ghosting, but it’s not:

“Here, he didn’t respond to the message. I’ve just been ghosted…”

Hold on!

Not necessarily, a person who doesn’t respond hasn’t necessarily intentionally ghosted you. You should try asking yourself, “How much time has passed since my last message?”

Of course, if it’s been more than 2 weeks, and they’ve seen it without replying, then maybe you can start to believe it’s ghosting.

If it’s less time, it’s likely not, it could be “Unintentional Ghosting.”

Suspending a conversation without the real intention to do so can be defined as an action of unintentional ghosting that the other person is practicing with you without being aware of it.

Yes, this happens too.

It could be that, for various reasons, they find it challenging to find time to respond, or something distracts the other person, leading to an abrupt interruption of the conversation.

Let’s consider a case of unintentional ghosting; it might go like this:

You’ve been messaging a guy almost every day; you like him, but you’re going through intense moments in your days: lots of work commitments, physical fatigue, and a million thoughts…

And so, when you finally find a moment, a week has passed, and you realize you haven’t opened your chats in two days:

“Michele has messaged you…” and then you check when, “2 days ago…”

Oops, you’ve just unintentionally ghosted a guy!

Often, ghosting is not intentional, and something that starts as forgetfulness can end up being considered ghosting.

The psychological effects of ghosting and/or experiencing it:

Disappearing and becoming a ghost can have significant psychological repercussions, not only for the victim who is “ghosted” but also for the ghoster who inflicts the action.

Indeed, the first thing to note is the simplicity of this behavior: it often happens because it’s easy to execute. No explanations are given, and difficult conversations don’t need to be faced.

For the ghoster, this is the perfect opportunity to escape problems and avoid direct contact, highlighting their poor communication skills and, in some cases, emotional immaturity.

On the other hand, what does someone who experiences ghosting feel?

The one who disappears (ghoster) could be described as someone who abandons the relationship without considering the other person. They don’t provide an opportunity for dialogue, confrontation, or explanation. The one who experiences it is left with questions and often many uncertainties. Feelings of dismay, self-criticism, or even a hint of anger towards the “ghost” can emerge.

However, some victims of ghosting manage to turn the event into a positive experience by “studying” the person they had a relationship with.

Ghosting: how to handle it

Ghosting someone is not the best thing to do if you’re a woman; it certainly doesn’t make you appear more responsible and mature in the eyes of a man.

On the other hand, it’s not pleasant to receive ghosting from a man who has been writing to you for a long time and suddenly, without any valid reason, decides to cut off contact.

If you think you’ve ghosted someone at least once or more, here are 5 phrases you could use to avoid doing it again and clarify the situation:

  • “I’m sorry, I’m not ready to take our acquaintance further. I feel that we don’t have enough in common… let’s stay in touch?”
  • “Maybe we’re not meant to match… I think it’s better to slow down and touch base occasionally.”
  • “I enjoyed getting to know you and spending time with you, thank you. I just wanted to tell you that I recently found someone more compatible with me and I want to focus solely on her.”
  • “What do you think about staying in touch? I’m seeing someone, and she might become special soon.”
  • “You’re a beautiful person, and I wish you all the best!”

If, on the other hand, “you’re not feeling it anymore” and you’ve decided to end this “ghosting effect,” you could take the bull by the horns and get straight to the point.

After all, there’s nothing wrong with asking for explanations…it’s your full right!

Try to bring the ghost out into the open with these 5 messages:

  • “Hey, would you mind telling me why you’re not responding anymore? If there’s a problem, I’m ready to listen.”
  • “If the choice you’ve made is not to feel me anymore, I respect that. I just want to ask for the reason and move on.”
  • “How are you? Has something serious happened? I noticed you haven’t responded to my messages. Just let me know if everything is okay.”
  • “Don’t you think it’s fair to give me an explanation of why you decided not to respond to my messages anymore?”
  • “How about telling me what’s wrong? And possibly going our separate ways? I just want an explanation, that’s all.”

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